Today I woke up sad,and tired.my body ached and my soul was sore.
Its been pretty calm for me emotionally here lately...i cry everyday still but not so often.
I try not to let myself go there, i try not to let my mind be overcomed by this pain...
but today...well today was just hard! Everything about it was hard.
I woke up missing her, missing her more then I can say...aching for her voice,yearning for her embrace,dying to see her face.Wishing God would of just let me keep her...
I got ready for work and made breakfast for everyone before I left and wondered if she would of eaten today...if she were still here. Somedays she couldn't eat because she was so sick...but sometimes she ate really really well.
Then I packed my lunch for work..I found her hello kitty lunchbox on top of the fridge last night.So I asked my friend if it would be weird for me to use it,she didnt think so.So I planned on packing my lunch in her lunchbox....
It made me miss her more.
When I got to work I saw her pic on my desk...
It made me miss her more.
I was glad to see her smile and her sweet face.
Then a co-worker brought pics of her kids to work.Her son and her daughter....
that was a hard one...her daughter was beautiful,she was blowing out her birthday cake...she birthday cake with the number 7 on it....she was turning 7 yrs old....Nevaeh would of been 7 yrs old.(sigh)
It made me miss her even more...
Then I thought about blessings from heaven...like my job.Thats a huge huge blessing!! The people I have met there and the ones I have known sense Nevaeh was diagnosed...All awesome ladies.
The blessings of God that were nowhere to be found before...when she was sick,when she was dying.
It made me miss her even more...
I thought outloud: I would lose every material thing I have,anyone blessing I have received....just to have her back...
Just to have been able to keep her....
Just to be with my Nevaeh.
tears overflowing all day....
No comments:
Post a Comment