Friday, January 25, 2013

Its been awhile...

it has been a while sence ive written, and its not that I havent wanted to or  that I havent came back and rerad my previous post..its just i feel like a broken record player,i feel like im stuck in a reality that...well basicly sucks!
alot has happened sence i have last written: well one nice thing that i am looking foward to is a video we made for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. We told Nevaeh's story,her whole story even about the angels..that was so freaking emotional. I am really looking forward to seeing it though and for everyone else to know her and her journey.

Last week a coworker called me into her office and told me another coworker was on my instagram and thinks i need help??? really?? what that Heck people!!
I told them that I am ok in the place that I am in,I am not angry at God for not healing her, I am not replaying that day in my head over and over again, I am not in a deep depression, I am not crying everyday .... I am in a different place.  I have a peace that my daughter is in heaven, I have joy that she is no longer hurting, no linger in pain. I explained that to them. she asked me don't you want to be happy again... I said no, I am not looking for happiness. Why would I? My daughter is dead...My world shattered and my family incomplete. I'm not looking for happiness just for grace to make it another day.
Noone looks at the fact that I am in a different place, I am going to work five days a week,I smile, I laugh, I act goofy, I dont break down everyday!
I do everything I need to do. I still hurt but I see that it is different.
I know people dont like seeing me grieve,they think i should be over it.... really??
those people just make me want to scream!