Sunday, July 29, 2012

Is it better to have loved and lost then never loved at all??

I was having a conversation about the lose of our children and how everyone is so different in their grieving. Yes our pain is all so strong,and profound but we all are so very different.
I have been pondering on this famous quote and I have come to the conclusion that this quote is CRAP!
Before I ever became pregnant with my daughter Nevaeh I was fine,sure I had obstacles with my boys.Having a son that is autistic and another who is hearing impaired can equal a house full of chaos.  But that was normal... My heart was full and content.
Then a deep desired dream that was hidden in the deep abyss of my heart happened....I found out I was pregnant.I didn't know I was pregnant because according to the Dr's I had too many women problems. Anyways I didn't know I was already 14weeks along...My heart was so full because of my boys,instead of expanding it simply over flowed.....And continued to overflow like a water fountain for 6 sweet years...
Then when she got sick at 4 yrs old,I never imagined that she would die.I knew she would go through alot of pain and suffering but I KNEW she would NOT die!
Then he took her....he gave me the greatest LOVE in the world and took it from me.
A cruel,cruel joke in my eyes....
And as crazy as this may sound to others I would rather have never known this beautiful love,Id rather have not known the sweet precious smile of my Nevaeh, I'd rather not have seen the loveliness of her sparkly eyes...I'd rather have not known this pain.
I don't mean to sound like I have regrets,or like I don't appreciate the few years I had with her,Its just the pain is so much more than I can wrap my head around..
So yes,I do believe that the quote is CRAP!!
I do believe that It is NOT better to have Loved and Lost than to have never loved at all....
I miss her sooooo very much,I don't know how much more I can take.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry your heart aches so much, Amy. Mine aches too. I love you and miss you. Come home soon!