Lots has happened since I was last here,we did a day of remembrance for her on Oct.29th. That was hard in so many ways, we had big plans of what we wanted to do but it didn't turn out that way. We did go to the butterfly museum and to eat and built a fire in the back yard,sat around and listened to music. We planned on go to the park to have a picnic in "our spot",where we used to go just me and her...my princess and her daddy. we ate,talked and fed the ducks,we pushed her in the stroller and made her laugh and she made us laugh with her craziness....
Going there was way to hard...we loved seeing the butterflies but it was all bittersweet. We didn't want to push the kids into doing anything they couldn't handle. so we left.
We thought we might talk about her and share stories that we remembered,stories that made us laugh,and stories that made us happy....but it was to hard...so we didn't. But we all knew what the other was thinking.
We took her flowers,me and the boys. Fili decided to go alone,to have daddy time with his princess. He planted pretty purple flowers around the headstone. When I went with the boys there was already a purple pumpkin there that notes from all the little kids that would of been in her class written on it.
We took her another small pumpkin that the boys bought her and the flowers.... Oh and her princess Olivia Balloon.
We also did the walk on November 10th,that was great because I got to share her story with so many people,right after I spoke a huge orange butterfly flew in front of us and we all felt her presence,we all felt peace,and all we could do was smile....
Thanksgiving came and that was emotionally draining...I seriously need a break...
Sometimes I feel that I am always being strong,for me and for everyone else. If I let go of it all the tears might never stop,and what if I drown....
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